Set a guard over my mouth, LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips. Psalm 141:3 (NIV)
Beware: Long episode !
I can’t stop the torrent of tears that is threatening to drown me. The catarrh running down my nose makes it difficult for me to breathe. The constant blowing of my nose creates loud banging drums in my head that has now blocked my ability to hear other things.
Remember I locked Tayo out of our room; it’s been three weeks since that happened and things have spiraled into a tangled mass of in-explainable, unidentifiable nonsense.
In all honesty, I was just looking for attention hence my naughtiness. What started as a child’s play has suddenly turned into a real deal.
I guess It didn’t quite register that when I said ‘I do’ it was not just to affirm that I agreed to become just Tayo’s wife. Now I am enlightened to the real meaning of I DO and what it entails.
I DO to submission, I DO to tolerance, I DO to nonsense, I DO to forgiveness, I DO to his mood swings, I DO to happiness, I DO to self control, I DO to selflessness and meeting his needs, I DO to loving Tayo regardless of how I feel, I DO to authority,I DO to respect, I DO to plenty sex and most of all I DO to serve my husband not because he deserves it but as unto the Lord. ’cause if I serve Tayo for himself I will be disappointed. After all he is human!
I must have assumed wrongly on a lot of things for me to have carried some pre-marraige behaviour into my marriage or maybe experience was needed to open my eye.
Three whole weeks after I had spoken harshly to Tayo and he has shown me who the boss is.
At least the time when I was complaining that he was giving work attention more than me, he still used to tell me to try to understand, yet I carried on like a woman in whose body the spirit of God did not reside in. Now Tayo, my husband doesn’t even bother to acknowledge my presence and that includes him sleeping in the guest room, starving my body of making love and producing warmth, and cooking his own food!!!
You don’t want to know how that hurts and crushes my womanhood. It simply shows that I am not relevant to my husband, it means he can carry on with or without me. I think of these and a fresh bout of hot tears pour out from my eyes. I wail. I am no longer crying to get his pity and attention, this is real tears birthed from a broken heart, even worse caused by me.
From the depth of my heart I cry unto God. I must have abandoned him long enough for this problems to be happening.
“God I don’t mind you the being the main chick in Tayo’s life. Contending that position with you was a mistake. I set up myself up for failure”.
I don’t speak to be heard, I speak to be obeyed
“Yes lord I will obey this time” I respond to the still small voice that is my spirit.
Now I don’t mind looking for his lost shoes anymore or that he presses the toothpaste in the middle and forgets to cover it. I don’t mind doing his laundry or taking it to the dry cleaners. I don’t even care if he fails to acknowledge my effort when he meets the house clean. I JUST WANT MY HUSBAND BACK.
I arrive from the hair salon to see a different car in the compound of my house. I also notice that the padlock of the burglary proof is opened. I am not bothered by it; it’s either I mistakenly left the padlock open or Tayo is around. I lean towards my later thought. I am more curious about the strange car than the open padlock. Remember I am jobless and sometimes bored at home; I crave for excitement once in a while so unconsciously I am happy to tiptoe toward my door to solve this puzzle.
I open the door gently like I see them do on TV. “The action is in catching the thief before he catches you right?”. Unfortunately I don’t see anything or anyone in the sitting room. I drop my bag unceremoniously on the couch and I make my way to the kitchen to get myself a drink. I gape at the sight that befalls me.
There is a very pretty, sophisticated looking girl with long lovely silky dark brown wavy weave in my kitchen. She is wearing an ankle pant and a sleeveless chick top. Even though she is simply dressed everything about her screams beautiful and radiance! I look at her and I am not surprised to see a well-manicured hand holding an iPhone. Her wrist is decorated with a bracelet filled with charms; her exposed arms looks like smooth light chocolate creamy milk. I instantly feel insecure. I am embarrassed to describe what I currently have on, but I see myself retracing my steps. I run up the stairs to my room to change into something better. I throw on a halterneck top and a bum short.Even if it’s late I decide to wear makeup.
You’re beautiful in my sight; you’re created in my image.
“I know but ….”. I have no excuse for feeling this way so I don’t bother to argue with my spirit.
I look at my natural hair which is twisted into Bantu knots and I am depressed. I contemplate loosening it but I change my mind when I think of how difficult it is to tame my long, full natural hair. I take note to buy 3-4 bundles of a 24 inch Peruvian hair with closure when I begin work.
“Come to think of it, what is that woman doing in my house? Who is she? This one that she is looking fine like mammy water? Maybe she’s a witch”. I think jokingly.
Whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
“God forgive me”. I whisper. I also don’t want to incur the wrath of my husband so I know I must walk in love and tuck in any agbero behaviour no matter the situation. Tayo will have me talk to God about my problem if I have one and since I have no choice but to obey I decide to obey.
The thought halts me to a stop. I pause to meditate on it. “Maybe I should take Tayo to God in prayers”.
“Lord please touch my husband’s heart to forgive me. I will learn to be patient and listen to you when you speak, for my wisdom is not enough to direct me. Please lord, please lord”. I whisper to the heavens.
I clear the emotions stuck in my throat, allowing my foot take me to the direction of the kitchen where I see a woman sited.
My lips has taken shape ,I am just waiting for my brain to push sound into the already shaped lips so it can say ‘hello’ but my eyes are faster;it overtakes this process and sights Tayo and the unknown woman in my kitchen talking and laughing together.
Tayo sights me standing by the door. He walks towards me.”Hey babes where did you go to?”. He ask in a joyous voice. He hugs me, and places several kisses everywhere on my face but my lips.
“You look hawt babe”. He says to me as he undresses me with his eyes.
My starved body responds to his touch like wild fire in a dry bush, my heart increase its beat, my saliva dries up and mouth is agape
I say a quick prayer to the heavens. “God I never knew you could answer prayer this quick. Thank you!”
My thoughts are interrupted.
“Hello there, how’re you doing? I think T-man has tried to reach you earlier but your line wasn’t just connecting”. Unknown pretty woman says to me in an articulate, fluid,lightly accented voice.
Tayo interrupts before I could reply .”Lade you remember Kayla right? He ask excitedly.
I shake my head.
He wears a small frown on his face at my response. “Ï have spoken to you about her several times”.
I still can’t remember so I keep quiet.”How will you tell me about someone this fine and i’ll forget her. Trust me to have done research on her”.I think in my head.
“T-Man don’t be such a bully, let her be”. She (Kayla) walks towards me then punches Tayo on his arms.
She embraces me instead. “Hello honey howdy?Nice meeting you”.
“Same here”. I respond in a small voice.
“Are you okay?”. Tayo ask , concern written all over his face. He must have noticed my tired face.
“I am just tired”.
“It’s a pity you don’t feel well; T-Man and I were just about to go out for dinner at one of the Chinese restaurant in Victoria Island “. Kayla ( Miss unknown hawt girl) interrupts.Her dark eloquent eyes lifted up in excitement.
Suddenly she faces Tayo laughing. ”T-Man remember when you decided to watch your weight and ate only fruits through out the day only for you to drag me out to at 2:15 a.m to eat.
“I remember vividly”.Tayo responds with even more laughter. He faces me “Omolade when hunger wanted to finish me, no one warned me before I changed my mind. He moves to Kayla , poking her sides.” Wicked girl you made me beg you for more than one hour before you agreed to follow me”.
She pokes him back and they begin to chase themselves around the kitchen. They laugh out loud, chuckle,titter,snicker, giggle….and I just watch the scene with my eyes open and my heart crushing.I feel there’s a stampede going on my heart.
First my husband is speaking to me as if he did not shut me out of his life for the past one month, secondly I can see that he is happy and I am not the one eliciting this laughter, thirdly he is going out to a Chinese restaurant without me, when he has told me times without number that he doesn’t like to eat out but prefers my food above any other
Don’t let your love be limited to how you feel emotionally.
Love is patient . Be patient with him
They stop their puckering. Kayla, then faces me and gives me a smile.
It is weird that she’s smiling at me for no reason. I get uncomfortable.
“Awww sorry”. She says.
“Thank you”. I respond without knowing why she’s actually telling me sorry.” I must look horrible despite my makeup and bum short for her to be telling me sorry”. I conclude.
I bend my head down a bit so I can blink the tears that has stung my eyes. I feel her gaze on my bent head.
I do not hear her footsteps and do not realize that she’s close until I feel her warm comforting hands on my shoulders.
“I understand babe, don’t be shy with me okay?”.
I nod. “I guess Tayo must have told her about our problem. I wonder what she thinks of me”. This time I am unsuccessful in holding the tears and they drop in quick successions.
“Are you okay Omolade? Did something happen to you”. I hear Tayo’s concerned voice. It feels good having him look out for me after this long.
“Of course she’s okay. It’s the baby making her cry”. Kayla replies him instead with a scold.
“What baby?”. Tayo ask; confusion lacing his voice. I feel piercing, questioning gaze on me.
“Tayo what kind of question are you asking her. Have you not been the one making love to her? I’ll wait for you at the lounge”. Kayla says leaving us alone.
The tension that surrounds us is palpable enough to be sliced with a knife. I am grateful to Kayla for at least having enough wisdom to give us privacy. For giving me the opportunity to lick my shame in private.
“Omolade is there something I should know that you’re not telling me?.
I quiver in fear. He is using that quiet stern voice that tells me a million negative things.
I open my mouth to speak but hot air comes out instead.
Tayo does not make it easy for me, he waits patiently for me to answer. I raise my head up to meet his eyes. It is blank and it scares me.
“Omolade is there something I should know that you’re not telling me?”. He repeats; still with the same tone, without raising his voice.
“I am pregnant”. I whisper
He pierces me with his gaze for what seems like eternity before he speaks again.
“How long have you known”. He ask in a brusque tone.
“About a month ago”. I reply
“How long are you gone?”
“The doctor said 18 weeks”. I stammer in fear
“Great!”. He says in a curt voice before he walks away.
I run after him. “Tayo please wait, I can explain”.
He stops abruptly, placing in his hands on his waist. He shakes his head several times before facing me. “I should not be surprised Omolade. After all you’ve said you’re capable of forgetting my existence if I ignored you. Aren’t you just living after your word?” His says in a sardonic tone.
His words stabs me in several places. I stammer. Tayo I can explain…” I say again
He interrupts me. “You make me doubt the voice of God Omolade”.
Okay I have exceeded my pain threshold. I blank out but not before I see the sheen of tears that has formed in my husband’s eyes.
Agbero Behaviour- Unruly act
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Author’s Bio :
God’s chick first…Living in the consciousness and basking in the righteousness of He who poured His liquid love on me…Epistle of Christ, Gregarious…I like to write but I am sometimes too lazy to put my thoughts in word. I am human!