“Hello Tayo, are you there?” I hear Omolade scream my name in excitement over the phone. I am a bit surprised to hear any form of excitement in her voice since I had only expected an attack from her.
When I saw her call come through, I braced myself for the worse. I had assumed she could not wait to pour out her anger like a large body of water running down a steep slope, eager to lash out at an obstacles in its path.
“Hi love, I can hear you?” I respond, my voiced laced with confusion.
“Guess what? I got a job”. She shrieks in delight.
I sigh in relieve. Happy that at least something good will distract her from ranting tonight. I am happier that I have been spared the anger even when I did nothing to deserve it, than the new job she just got.
“Aren’t you happy about it?” She says interrupting my thoughts,
“My dear, why won’t I be happy. I am ecstatic sef”. I laugh
She stops speaking. I know she’s about to say something serious, I keep my finger crossed. I don’t have to wait that long when she speaks up again.
“Sorry come again, I did not hear you”. I say to her. I must have been lost in my thoughts to have missed what she said.
She sighs. “I said Ashley can come over to the house till she gets well”. She emphasise each word which indirectly tells me that she wouldn’t repeat herself. “I will clean up the guest room for her before I resume work”. She says again
I hesitate for a while because I don’t know what to say and I don’t want to say the wrong thing. I am surprised at Omolade’s ability to change her mind within a few seconds. I would rather take time to think of something so I can make a concrete decision unlike Omolade who just …”
“Why are you not saying anything?” She questions in a stern voice interrupting my thought.
“You should be grateful that I am allowing Ashley in the house. Instead of just keeping quiet you could have said a simple thank you”. She says in displeasure.
I move the phone slightly away from my ear so the hoarseness of her voice does not damage my eardrums.
I will talk to you later. Bye”. She says abruptly before ending the call.
I hear her but I don’t say anything. Not that I don’t feel like responding or putting her in her place, but I decide to be patient. As usual she had rambled off without giving me the opportunity to gather my thoughts before speaking.
I laugh to myself. Omolade thinks she’s doing me a favour by allowing Ashley stay in the house till she gets better. Maybe she has forgotten that Ashley is her friend and not mine, and the only reason I am open to receive Ashley in the house is because Kayla had said the spirit of God wants us to help her, and also because I am human and compassionate enough to render help to someone in need especially with the rise of death from domestic violence.
I like my space so much and do not like so many people coming in it, but when I became a Christian the Holy Spirit helped me to be more attuned to the needs of others. I do not have to give monetary or material gift, sometimes they are words of wisdom or revelation gotten from the throne room of my King who was patient enough for me and continued to love me even when I was misbehaving.
As the husband I am the head of the house, it is my duty to protect and lead my family aright. And I intend to head my home in the way Christ heads the church, but Omolade just makes it difficult sometimes.
I remember how much Omolade’s face glowed in beauty every time, while we were dating. She would always spend time in fellowship with God. It was so intense that she used to have date time with the Lord. She kept at it so strictly that even I could not/dare not ask her to schedule another time in the case where something came up.
I wonder where the glow had gone to or the fire because if it was still there Omolade would acknowledge me as the Head and would not think she’s helping me by making decisions without consulting me.
“Thank God it’s a decision I agree with”. I say to myself. Grateful that at least one battle has been conquered without a fight.
Omolade needs to know that submission is not just about cooking for me or taking care of the house or even giving her body to me. It’s deeper than that. I need her to submit to me as unto the Lord and not what culture say submission should be.
Her submission to me should not arise so that I don’t cheat on her. It should stem from respect for God and her submission to Him. After all before she became my bride, she was first the bride of Christ.
I don’t need her to try to love me, Let her come to me again and I will pour out my love on her so she can love me the way I want her to. Pray for her, guide her with love and be patient. Don’t ruin your witness Tayo
“Father I will do as you say, but I need your strength”. I reply to the voice of the spirit.
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness”
Thank you Holy Spirit I whisper to the heavens.
Omolade doesn’t know what she has in Tayo and Kayla. It’s like having gold and knowing its value but treating it as bronze.
I am glad that she has started work as it eases the awkwardness of having her at home all day and dealing with me when I know she’d rather not have me in her home. I am grateful to her though.
I have learnt so much from Kayla, Tayo’s cousin in the past week. I wish I had heard the message of the magnificent, awesome, complete filling love of Christ before I got married. Even the devil knew that I would not have married Carmen, my husband.
I weep when I think of all I have gone through knowing I would not have gone through it only if I had been patient, only if I had come to the realisation that my strength, scheming and ability would not take me far.
“…For by strength shall no man prevail.”
I had been under pressure by myself and the society to get married because according to us, my biological clock is ticking away. I am ashamed but I would not deny that I put pressure on Carmen to marry me.
What did I not do? From mind blowing explicit sex with different styles, to doing his laundry, to cooking elaborate meals, to always buying stuffs for his mum and calling her, and finally trapping him by getting pregnant while letting him walk over me only so I could get a ring on my fourth finger.
Now that I have gotten the ring I had so much worked for to get, I have to deal with the rubbish I get. Unfortunately, I don’t see the society or the devilish spirit that pushed me to manipulate Carmen into getting married to me, take part in the beating and emotional trauma I have had to endure in the so call marriage.
Even after I said ‘I do’ and changed status from Ms. to Mrs, I have still not found fulfilment or contentment in the so called marriage or from the weight of the gold ring on my finger.
“There is a void in every man that is not of Christ. People try to fill this void with Alcohol, mindless sex, partying, smoking, marriage, in having children, in making money… But the void will only get deeper and wider till they begin to just exist”. Kayla had said to me during one of our numerous conversation when I told her about my past.
I stared back into her eyes. It was intense and seemed to glow, I saw love and peace in Kayla’s eyes and no atom of condemnation or pity towards me.
“I want what you have Kayla”. I cried. I suddenly became weary of all the load I have been carrying.
She had cried with me and began to laugh and then spoke in a strange language that I would later know as speaking in tongues.
I have grown in Christ and I feel strengthened in my spirit. I know I can conquer the world through Christ that dwells in me.
I do not have to wait long for this strength to be tested. I hear the doorbell ring and I open the door to find Carmen, my husband at the doorstep.
I feel my body stir with needs as his begin eyes roam over my body as if looking for a drop of water in an ocean.
I clear my throat to catch his attention. He is taking too much time looking at my body even after misbehaving, I wonder if the girlfriends he keeps are not enough for him.
I wait for an apology and I plan on making him go through hell before I accept him back into my life. I fold my hands underneath my breast as I wait for him to speak.
“I need you in the house before the end of today, my daughter needs to be taken care of. If I don’t see you in the house today then I advise you forget me and her”. He says in a very casual tone before he walks out on me.
I hear loud bangs like the clash of cymbal in my head. I freeze to the spot with my mouth hanging loose. I am about to pursue him, shout, call his bluff and throw nasty words at him but I am stopped by an unknown force.
“Like a city broken down and without a wall, so is he whose spirit is without restraint”.
I stop in my track. This is the first time I hear the spirit of God speak clearly and directly to me. I am too excited that the omnipotent, majestic, glorious God can interfere in my situation by speaking to me. I am too excited to think about the rubbish Carmen just did.
“Kayla! Kayla” I shout as I shut the door in eagerness to meet her. I run to kitchen to meet her.
“Guess what?” I ask in excitement, still panting from the short run I just made.
“It’s awesome that you’re excited. That in itself is great”. She says laughing.
“The holy spirit spoke to me Kayla! His voice is so soft. It is like the soft breath of a child in the womb”. I laugh and jump and try to describe to her all of the emotion I am feeling at the moment.
She smiles at me, her eyes glitter in excitement, they are glowing again. She holds my shoulder and direct those intense gaze into my eyes.
“Ashley I need you to never get used to this. Okay?” .I nod. “Don’t be like the Christians who get so used to the unprecedented gift God has given them that they begin to lose the value and significance”
“Okay. Is that why you like that song called wonder”. I ask
She laughs. “Is it that one Amanda cook sang? The one from Bethel music?”
“I don’t know ooo. Shebi I am just learning all these new Christian songs. I am trying na. I know Sinach, Frank Edwards, Don Moen …..”.
She laughs some more. “You’re trying my dear. I know what you’re talking about. It’s called wonder”
Let me teach you the lyrics of the song:
May we never lose our wonder
wide eyed and mystified
May we be just like a child
staring at the beauty of our King
Work so far has been awesome and my baby is doing great. I have a very wonderful boss who is so nice and caring, he reminds me of Tayo in a way. I can’t help but be grateful to God for blessing me not only with a Job but with good colleagues as well.
I enter the house to meet the smell of food as it has been the norm since Kayla and Ashley began to live with Tayo and I. I hate to admit that their presence have relieved me of a lot of stress and responsibility. If they were not around, I would have to cook , clean the house, go to the market and worry about other little things plus dealing with a new job and trying to get used to a baby growing in my body and still be a wife to Tayo.
I hear the giggling sound of Kayla and Ashley from the kitchen and I don’t know why I feel pangs of Jealousy. Maybe because I had not wholeheartedly welcomed the idea of Ashley or even Kayla staying with me and Tayo.
Before we got married Tayo and I had agreed not to entertain in–laws in our home as we did not want any external party telling us what to do or what not to do or questioning whatever decision we make regarding the children we would have.
“Kayla is a woman of the spirit, she does not fall under that category”. Tayo had argued when the issue of Kayla staying with us had come up and I reminded him of our agreement to keep external party away.
“Have you forgotten we made that decision because we wanted to guard our home and family from interfering family members who are not grounded in the things of God, from giving us ideas on how to run our home”. He continue to explain.
I am even still somehow angry with Tayo for not saying anything to me when I eventually agreed to accept Ashley into our home.
I hear voices come from the kitchen area. “Can you imagine? I hear Ashley say to Kayla.
I feel Jealous again because Ashley who is supposed to be telling me stuffs as a friend has found a confidant in Kayla and doesn’t confide in me anymore.
“When she did what did you do about it ?”. I hear my mind say.
I eavesdrop on their conversation
“Ashley you will learn to work with the Spirit and submit to Him whether it is convenient for you or not”. Kayla is saying.“What does the Spirit tell you?”
“It only says stand still and know that I am God”. Ashley grumbles. “I don’t know if He means that I should stand still in this house and not listen to Carmen or if He wants me to go to that pig headed, egocentric man”.
Kayla laughs. “Ashley…” She drawls
“I know I shouldn’t speak like that, but I can’t help it. When I thought he came to beg”. She hisses.
I can imagine the frown on Ashley face as she speaks to Kayla. Even though I catch only a snippet of their conversation, I kind of understand the whole situation except for the part where Ashley’s mentions the Holy Spirit.
“Does it mean the Holy Spirit has been speaking to her?” I think to myself.
I feel like I am slacking. If party hard Ashley can now speak to the Holy Spirit then It means that I who have met with the lord several years ago should be raising the dead and maybe speaking at large crusades or even living rich like King Solomon did in his time.
“This is just frustrating”. I sigh
“God it’s not fair ooo. That is how all this newbies will just catch up with someone that have been following you since”.
Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commandments.
Thanks for reading!
Author’s Bio :
God’s chick first…Living in the consciousness and basking in the righteousness of He who poured His liquid love on me…Epistle of Christ, Gregarious…I like to write but I am sometimes too lazy to put my thoughts in word. I am human!