Akinsola Tosin: What Love Should Be; What Love Is

It is February again and love is supposedly in the air. But now that Valentine’s day is over . . . Has the love departed or gone cold?

Love from the tender age of our human existence is presented to us in different forms; and interpreted differently depending on our exposure and background.
Being in love to some is the butterfly in their belly, the unexplainable good feeling felt around that special someone or sex. Love has different forms by which it is expressed but the actions that show the feeling of love do not define love itself.

“I LOVE YOU” has become one of the most abused and overly used phrase in the world. I say this because a word as pure and as meaningful as love has lost its true worth as a result. Take for instance the way we say good morning to our family members at home and people at work. Consider this carefully, when you say good morning, is the morning usually good? Is your mind focused on the meaning of the greeting? Or do you say good morning to fulfill a social norm or expectation? Most times, I know honestly that I greet good morning so I don’t come across as rude and I could say it absentmindedly a few times.

When we say “I LOVE YOU” what are we saying? Love is a personal, consistent and continuous choice to care deeply for another individual. It is not just the feeling of deep compassion and yearn for someone, it is accepting a person the way they are; love is choosing to remain supportive, caring and compassionate regardless of character flaws and shortcomings.

Love is NOT one sided, without love from the two individuals, a relationship will get a different definition.

A relationship without the true definition of love becomes an ordinary link between two people who simply enjoy each other’s company.

Love is NOT being abused verbally or physically and choosing to stay…love is looking past mistakes and learning daily to patiently see the beauty in your boo.

Love is NOT an obsessive attraction to physical beauty, cash and material things (these things have wings and fly…they do not last), beauty can fade, money can be scarce and nice figures eventually change. Love is caring and choosing to stay even when all you have is each other; its perseverance…NOT suffering.

Love is NOT synonymous to sex, sex with the right people at the right time (which is marriage) is a pleasurable acceptance of each other and an expression of love.

Love is a consistent act of service (serving one another; not slavery) and as a result romantic relationships are for mature minds; not boys and girls who create one to succumb to social pressure or fill a void/ loneliness or satisfy a kind of societal class acceptance among their peers.
Let’s be real, we all want be loved, seen and understood but staying in a relationship for the wrong reasons compound the problems we are seemingly trying to solve. Love means being honest, paying attention to your beloved and putting the persons needs ahead of yours most of the time. To experience love, we must let go of our fear of vulnerability, because love is being open-minded, caring deeply for someone exposes a part of you that other people can’t see except your special someone. This means that you are susceptible to hurt and your special someone is too; embrace being vulnerable and forgiving together. Love makes forgiving easier.

I love the idea of love, I want to fall in love, and I want to be in love. We all want to feel warm and fuzzy on our inside because of a special someone. Truthfully, over time the gifts, fuzzy warm feelings and our superficial definitions will not sustain our relationships. We have to make decisions constantly with the right person to make things work and enjoy being with each other and growing together; that is love.

True love is for every season, it should be felt, shown and seen every time. In this special season of love however, remember that love is respect, sacrifice, compromise and sweet all at the same time. It is a mature choice to care.


AKINSOLA Tosin is a funny, loving, caring and considerate person who loves God greatly. She loves encouraging people to grow in Christ and be the best they can be. She doesn’t see herself as a relationship expert, but she knows a few things we all can benefit from.






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Temitope Ogunyinka, is a loving, caring and friendly person. She is passionate about impacting the world through timeless wisdom and knowledge found in her thought provoking stories and writing that applies to all ages. Her stories and articles cut across love, relationship and romance in a way that does not deny the relevance of God in our everyday life. She is a devoted christian, passionate about bringing people to the knowledge of God’s true and unfailing love.

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