My Story: My Journey To Being Single, Unattached And Loved Wholly By God
I could assume that a lot of people already know my story…
Being the girl who went through a series of bad relationships in the past… one where abortions got thrown into the mix.
But I don’t believe that I have ever really shared on how the soul tie with that guy and possibly other guys was broken… and also how I got to this point where I am single, satisfied and unattached to anyone.
I believe it would help to give you a little background into my story…
So I was in S.S1 in Secondary School when I first stumbled into the world of boys.
My dad just got me a phone then and I got myself a boyfriend from Vanguard’s “love zone” session (can’t remember the name clearly).
His name was S. He was based in Lagos and we are still in touch today.
We graduated into telling each other I love you and having phone sex sometimes.
I was naive and then used to think that as long as I kept my virginity I could do whatever I wanted to do with the other parts of my body.
I even had another boyfriend from love zone who I went to visit in Benin after I and S broke up.
I did every other thing with him but let him penetrate me and in my mind then, I still thought that I was pure… I laugh now in retrospect.
Purity is deeper than us using our bodies for whatever we want to do while leaving out the main sex part. God wants ALL of us.
So I graduated from secondary school, got another boyfriend from “love zone” who I met and spent two nights with.
That was a nightmare.
I assumed I would do everything but let him penetrate me but he wasn’t having it.
He slapped me around and threatened to flog me with a belt the first night but still I went back a second time.
I wasn’t really disvirgined then as he couldn’t get through but that episode had me running to God when I realized that the guy never picked my call again after he left… I was just a silly girl to him which I truly was… then.
My time with God didn’t last though as I met the guy with whom I had a long stretch of a terrible relationship… it was emotionally and psychologically abusive with me feeling like a nobody at the end of it all and also physically abusive, with him slapping me once.
But I thank God for that relationship because that was where my salvation came from… and after a year plus, I found my God AGAIN!
But then it still took me two stints with guys to really get to the point where I wanted God to be my “everything”.
One of those guys I slept with and the other I let do stuff to my body.
I really didn’t know as much as God has taught me right now.
But one day in 2012 I finally came back to God and vowed to never get into any relationship with anyone without Him saying yes to the guy.
As a matter of fact, I told God that I didn’t want to be in any relationship for a year, I wanted only Him to be my ALL. I was tired of “almost relationships” where I would throw myself on guys that never valued me in return.
Little did I know that that decision in January 2012 to stay single for a year would span into 4 years and counting of still loving on Jesus as my everything.
And I would trade those 4 years for nothing.
In those years God has built me up to become and I’m still becoming His very own woman.
Technically I became single in 2011 when I left the relationship that drew me to God but my heart was basically still in “almost relationships”.
I still met those two guys who I was giving my time and wishing I was in a relationship with them.
I wasn’t wholly wrapped with God’s love yet, I was still attached to men even as a single lady.
I attended two programmes in this season of Valentine that just passed by and the message on being single and unattached was really being hammered on to everyone.
When a message becomes increasingly rife in a season, I believe it just maybe something God wants to get to people in a particular season.
What most singles fail to understand is that you can’t be waiting on God to write your love story when you have your heart in someone else’s hands.
If you want God to write your love story, then your heart must be free and totally in His hands, as you let Him give your heart to who He wants to give it to.
It took me wrong twists and turns through relationships that brought me nothing for me to realize that only God could give me the satisfaction that I seek, only Him can never break my heart, only Him can love me like I longed to be loved.
I remember asking myself when God was tugging on me to break up with the boyfriend with whom the abortions happened…
How would I survive?
Who would help me with my school work?
Who would I call when I feel lonely?
Who would ever love me again?
I had such a twisted understanding of what love is…
Was love one that would steal your money?
Was love one that would tell you that no one would ever have you but him?
Was love one that clipped your wings and made you feel like nothing but a fat good for nothing girl?
Was love one that would belittle your family and make you feel like you had spiritual issues trailing you?
Was love one that would keep you trapped by eroding your self esteem?
I didn’t understand these things then.
I felt that since he was with me, then he must love me… regardless of the fact that I never had a glimpse of my unique abilities and purpose in God when he was with me.
I was just so desperate to have a boyfriend… and anyone, including the boy who almost raped me when I said that I didn’t want sex after the abortions, would do.
But I look back today some five years later and I am thankful that I had an encounter with the One who is love Himself.
He brushed me up…
Put salt and salve on my wounds…
Took the broken me and pieced me together.
Then He showed me what true love is…
That true love is He Himself.
And He is the only love who fills up everyone and everything with Himself.
He made me understand that if I didn’t have His love, I couldn’t have anyone else’s love as His love was the only cushion all other love I could have would spring up from.
He made me understand that His love is the only love that can satisfy me wholly.
And I don’t need man to satisfy me, I need Him to fill me up.
So I think back today on my journey and I smile as I know this truth like I know my very name…
God is love.
And till you let that love fill you up, no other love can satisfy you.
If you claim to be single and still your heart looks at every man that passes by to complete you, then you still don’t understand the full import of this God who is love.
His love brims like fire and is jealous for you.
He knows He would give you a spouse (if you are meant to be married) but still He checks to see if He is enough for you…
If He leaves you and Him alone for the next ten years, would He be enough for you?
Are you unattached from men enough to let Him fill you up?
One decision to break up a bad relationship in 2011…
One decision to remain single in 2012…
And one decision to love up on God with my everything has brought me to this place where I stand… with the knowledge that the only love I need to fill me up is the love who is Love Himself – God.
He fills up everything everywhere with Himself, leaving no space but for that which He decides to leave space for.
And till we come to the reality of this truth, we might sadly have to grope through life, placing expectations on men and looking unto men who just cannot because fill up the void in us because they are incapable of doing so.
You want to know true love?
Come away from the attachments with men…
Take your heart back from the things/men you have given it to…
And give it wholly to God.
You will experience God – Love in deep ways when you do that… so much so that you realize, finally, I can be single, unattached and wholly loved by God.
And then still be satisfied because I have drunk of true Love – God – and He has filled me up like nothing else can do.
I hope you come to this point fellow sisters and brothers…
It’s the greatest place to be.
♡ Bible Quote for the Day:
1 John 4:9 KJV
In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him.
Frances Okoro is a lawyer by profession and a writer and Christian blogger by calling.
She has a heart for young girls and youths generally and runs “Awakening Youths”, an organization for awakening youths to God’s purpose and plan for their lives.
She is the author of two books.
You should absolutely download her FREE e-book “Chastity for Men” (with an exclusive chapter for the ladies) HERE
And purchase her new book “10 Steps to Walking in Purpose” HERE
And visit her blog at www.imperfectlyperfectlives.com for more life-changing words from her.
Check out Episode two of Always One More Time here
Next Month . . .
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