He Doesn’t Love Me… Should I Still Submit?

“You can stop over at the dry cleaners place and get my suits and shirts. Don’t forget I’m hosting some clients here later on in the evening so prepare a meal for us. Something a little fancy. Maybe chicken and sweet potatoes . . . You know how I like it.”

Stella folded her clothes and watched as Mark knotted his tie and while facing the mirror. Once upon a time she used to be the one doing that. Knotting his tie and making sure he was looking good for work. Looking at him lovingly as he would her and exchanging kisses. Now she no longer had the zeal to do so. 

“Stella did you hear me?” He asked, burrowing into her thoughts.

She nodded. “Yeah, I did. What time should I be expecting you?” 

“Six ish. But if things change I would let you know.” He sprayed some cologne on his neck and wrist and got on his office jacket. She couldn’t deny she was still attracted to her husband despite all that was going on. Her eyes looked over his grey suit and crisp white shirt with the green tie. 

He picked up his car keys from the bedside table. “Have a great day.”

He didn’t even kiss me goodbye. . .

Stella couldn’t push away the hurt. Why did she have to subject herself to a man who was treating her in such a way? It all felt like a chore now. Loving him. Doing all the things she did for him. It used to be out of joy but now she felt herself hesitant. Wasn’t it just two months ago during a fight he had said loving her was getting hard to do? If it was so hard then it could also be hard for her to do things for him. After all, she had feelings as well. 

She picked his wet towel from the bed. She still remembered how he had slapped her the other day just because she refused to follow his decision to open a joint account. Truth was she didn’t trust him anymore after how he had spent her savings on a business deal gone bad. After she had repeatedly told him it was a bad idea and would flop. 

She held back her tears. Today wasn’t a day for tears. It was her birthday after all. 
If you were Stella would you still submit? 
Today we look at a question that resonates on our minds as women. 

Wives, be subject (be submissive and adapt yourselves) to your own husbands as [a service] to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife as Christ is the Head of the church, Himself the Savior of [His] body. As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands.
Yeah, we should submit to our husband when we’re married. 
But what if the husband treats the wife badly? Or he doesn’t love her as Christ loves the church? Should she still submit?
Hmmm… I would wait for you guys to comment first before giving an answer. Please fam I really want more of you all to comment and share your thoughts on this. Wasn’t too happy with lastweek’s feedback. Ghostreaders please come out. 

Guys you are also free to comment. 😁

Let’s talk it out 👍



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Temitope Ogunyinka, is a loving, caring and friendly person. She is passionate about impacting the world through timeless wisdom and knowledge found in her thought provoking stories and writing that applies to all ages. Her stories and articles cut across love, relationship and romance in a way that does not deny the relevance of God in our everyday life. She is a devoted christian, passionate about bringing people to the knowledge of God’s true and unfailing love.


  1. The right thing to do is to remain submissive and leave him to his conscience but this is easier said than done. I doubt if I can remain submissive to a man who doesn’t love me. I doubt much

    • Hmmm… two wrongs dont make a right. Remaining submissive is good ’cause we are doing it in obedience to God and not just to respect or honour our husbands. It’s easier said than done but then His grace is readily available.
      Isn’t love supposed to be unconditional?

  2. The same chapter of the Bible that said wives should submit to their husbands also states thus:
    Verse 25: Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
    Verse 28: So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
    Verse 33: Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

    In other words, a husband must also love, respect and honour his wife so that the wife can honour, respect and submit to him. Loving a wife is a necessary prequisite for a wife’s submission. No husband has the right to a wife’s submission if he doesent love and value the woman and he even treats her badly. He abuses her, that is very bad and not fair.
    I think the bible does not specifically meam submission as in ‘slavery’ or swallowing every insult, disrepsect and abuse without complaints. I think it wants a mutual respect between the couple, mutual love and mutual honour. Marriage is a partnership, not slavery, the two parties have duties to make sure the marriage work.

    • A woman would do anything for a man who loves her as Christ loves the church.

      The bible says in Proverbs 31:12 KJV, She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

      Should she submit even if he doesn’t love her or value her?

  3. This is a tough one o…If its me sha lemme not lie, if i was slapped because of joint account…lailai there will be no contributions o. There will be a plan brewing to leave the house. I will be submitting to you from far.

  4. Is he submitted to Christ? It’s much easier to submit to a Christ centered man.

    If I was Stella I will express how I feel and the consequences of his action . If he doesn’t change I will separate from him especially with the violence.

    If I decide to stay I will do my chores as into the Lord. But that doesn’t include any joint account or money and will tell him why.

    • Awesome answer. While it sounds superficial I’m sure you have centered your life around Christ and would only endorse responses you would Carry out yourself

    • Submission is a hard thing especially if your partner doesn’t respect you . But at the same time – one must submit because the Word of God say so. Are we now going to go against the Bible to teach our partner a lesson (that shouldn’t be so) instead let’s go on our knees and pray (God have the heart of everyone in His hands, so prayer do solve things) (not everyone will agree because we know prayer isn’t a magic that happens overnight/instantly ) That is why the attitude we use to pray also matter – are we praying sincerely or just praying just because. If we choose to deal with our partner on our own , then we are saying God should stay away from the matter and He will stay out , but remember He is also there when we need Him.
      Well, the dinner he asked her to prepare, we will never know if is going to be like an indirect party for her birthday , like she said today is her birthday. I sure hope she prepares it because that is part of what God will use as well, she should continue to be faithful. The battle belongs to God.
      On the joint account issue – am of a believe that a couple should have one (but should have agreed from onset , not just when someone needs money) (maybe am old school – but that is my believe ) .Also, each person should also have their own account as well, but the joint account should be for the up keeping of the home or any emergency that happens.
      so back to the question – should she submit . 100% yes because there is no half submission.
      The Almighty God will help us all.

  5. Interesting reading the comments made so far most of which are my thoughts and how I will react. Like someone mentioned submission is not slavery and mutual respect for one another must for the bases for the relationship. However, in Stella’s she appears to be doing everything but Mark does not appear to appreciate it. But by she continuing to submit to him as her head she will eventually overcome evil with good and mount coals of fire upon his head as the bible tells us. Light always over comes darkness for he will wake up and realise what a rear treasure he has in his wife.

  6. The comments here remind me how much work my salvation still needs. LOL.

    I’m sorry but, I’m really struggling here. The definition of submit is
    ‘accept or yield to a superior force or to the authority or will of another person.’

    So in this case submission is not only hosting the guests he’s expecting but also opening the joint account as requested.

    How come people are now saying they will ‘submit’ but they will not fund joint account? Submission is not selective, submission is everything he says.

    I think we should submit first to Christ, then to our husbands and when husbands are not stepping up report them to God. “Dear Lord… this man is making it difficult for me to submit o, and your word says I should submit. Father help him and help me.

    Either God says my grace is sufficient for you and makes grace for submission available or he makes a way of escape for you in the ‘temptation’.

    NB. For clarity, temptations for Christians refer to a Test of faith. So anything that makes you worry, be anxious, think about selectively obeying some commandments, etc is a temptation.

  7. submission is not an easy thing to do on your own unless God helps you, selective obediance is not obediance. Personally i am not a fan of joint account because it is an avenue to misuse family resources especially for men that dose not fear God like stella’s husband. But if i was stella, i will want us to discuss the main reason why we are opening the account, e,g for children and home upkeep and everyone will still maintain their personal account and our monthly contribution will be defined, but on the issue of violence if we cannot agree on things through dialogue then i will choose separation over submission.

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