I was having a discussion with Lady Annabelle, (for the sake of privacy I would call her lady Annabelle), and she asked me if I believed in the one man, one woman thing. I said yes, and she called me stupid. I felt a little embarrassed but there was nothing I could do about it; she was elderly. So I smiled and respectfully accepted her statement. Then she went ahead to mention it wasn’t written word for word in the bible that one man should be with one woman. . .
Lady Annabelle believed it wasn’t possible for a man to remain with one woman and that our different cultures also permitted polygamy. She mentioned a Nigerian culture where men could visit their friends and the friends/hosts, as a show of hospitality, ‘offer’ their wives to their male visitors. I was dumbfounded! Call me ignorant or living in a little bubble, but I just couldn’t imagine such a thing happening (though I can’t really say how true that is). She looked at me. I felt like she pitied me and my perception about such matters. . .
Adultery is seen as a common, everyday thing. It’s accepted for men but not for women. Why? ‘cause we all, if not most, feel it’s expected for a man to cheat since it’s his nature! It could even be seen as an overreaction if you express shock for your man cheating. But if a man even comes close to a married woman (not in an unbecoming way) her husband would vex, but if it’s the other way around we women are meant to be all hush hush about it. So it brings forth this question: Are there still men out there who can stick to one woman?
Marriage is evolving in different generations. All around us we hear of how men and women cheat on their spouses (but today we are looking at the men), and somehow it makes us women wonder if we can actually have a marriage free of adultery. Honestly, I have to admit Lady Annabelle was able to instil a little fear in me about marriage at that point in time; ‘cause coming from my background (a broken home) I would think probably a man can’t stick to one woman and I just have to accommodate it. But that’s a terrible way of thinking! It sort of means I should just prepare for my to-be-husband to cheat on me? That’s so wrong. But that’s the way some of us think.
Some feel it’s weird to be married to one person for the rest of their lives. I also read where a woman said she doesn’t believe in marriage ‘cause men are wired for variety, and what’s the point of getting married if they would cheat. Is there any hope for a good marriage? Is there a possibility of having a marriage free of adultery? Yes. Why do I believe so despite Lady Annabelle’s opinion and what I have seen or heard from other people?
First off, what is God’s ideal for marriage? According to Genesis 2, we were told of how God made a helper, a companion, for Adam and presented her to him. God presented a helper and not helpers. He presented a woman and not women. God surely knows best. But as there is God’s plan concerning marriage, so also is there man’s plan. You decide which plan you want to follow; God’s or man?
Second, not all men are the same. Just because two or more people did it doesn’t mean all men would do it. That’s just a stereotype.
Hebrews 13: 4 (MSG) “Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband. God draws a firm line against casual and illicit sex.”
There are still God-fearing men out there who believe adultery is a sin and stick to their wives, despite the varieties of women out there. They are committed. (Seriously, it only takes the grace of God)
Third is just because it happened with your mother, aunty, uncle, sister, brother, friend or whomever, doesn’t mean it has to happen to you. You have a choice in this matter. Do you want to let the fear or thought of being cheated in marriage prevent you from getting married or having a good marriage? Start telling God what you want in your marriage and believe it. Pray for your future spouse as well or if you’re already married keep praying for your spouse.
And lastly, God knows what you want and He wants what’s best for you. He knows where you’re coming from and knows your heart desires for a better marriage than your parents or those around you.
So should culture or the world’s ideal of marriage start overruling the word of God? No. We have to keep renewing our minds with what the word of God says and not what the world says.
Romans 12 verse 1-2 (MSG) “So here’s what I want to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life – your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life – and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.”
I believe in having a happy marriage and I believe the one man, one woman thing is possible. Despite my background and the issues that have surrounded people around me, I still know what I want. Sometimes I look around and it does scare me, but I’m working on overcoming my fears and believing in God. I can have a good marriage. I can have a better than good marriage . . . and I will. What about you?
Have a great weekend!
Love you guys!