Marriage and Culture: Are There Still Men Who Can Stick To One Woman?

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I was having a discussion with Lady Annabelle, (for the sake of privacy I would call her lady Annabelle), and she asked me if I believed in the one man, one woman thing. I said yes, and she called me stupid. I felt a little embarrassed but there was nothing I could do about it; she was elderly. So I smiled and respectfully accepted her statement. Then she went ahead to mention it wasn’t written word for word in the bible that one man should be with one woman. . .

   Lady Annabelle believed it wasn’t possible for a man to remain with one woman and that our different cultures also permitted polygamy. She mentioned a Nigerian culture where men could visit their friends and the friends/hosts, as a show of hospitality, ‘offer’ their wives to their male visitors. I was dumbfounded! Call me ignorant or living in a little bubble, but I just couldn’t imagine such a thing happening (though I can’t really say how true that is). She looked at me. I felt like she pitied me and my perception about such matters. . .

   Adultery is seen as a common, everyday thing. It’s accepted for men but not for women. Why? ‘cause we all, if not most, feel it’s expected for a man to cheat since it’s his nature! It could even be seen as an overreaction if you express shock for your man cheating. But if a man even comes close to a married woman (not in an unbecoming way) her husband would vex, but if it’s the other way around we women are meant to be all hush hush about it. So it brings forth this question: Are there still men out there who can stick to one woman?

   Marriage is evolving in different generations. All around us we hear of how men and women cheat on their spouses (but today we are looking at the men), and somehow it makes us women wonder if we can actually have a marriage free of adultery. Honestly, I have to admit Lady Annabelle was able to instil a little fear in me about marriage at that point in time; ‘cause coming from my background (a broken home) I would think probably a man can’t stick to one woman and I just have to accommodate it. But that’s a terrible way of thinking! It sort of means I should just prepare for my to-be-husband to cheat on me? That’s so wrong. But that’s the way some of us think.

   Some feel it’s weird to be married to one person for the rest of their lives. I also read where a woman said she doesn’t believe in marriage ‘cause men are wired for variety, and what’s the point of getting married if they would cheat. Is there any hope for a good marriage? Is there a possibility of having a marriage free of adultery? Yes. Why do I believe so despite Lady Annabelle’s opinion and what I have seen or heard from other people?

   First off, what is God’s ideal for marriage? According to Genesis 2, we were told of how God made a helper, a companion, for Adam and presented her to him. God presented a helper and not helpers. He presented a woman and not women. God surely knows best. But as there is God’s plan concerning marriage, so also is there man’s plan. You decide which plan you want to follow; God’s or man?

   Second, not all men are the same. Just because two or more people did it doesn’t mean all men would do it. That’s just a stereotype.

Hebrews 13: 4 (MSG)  “Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband. God draws a firm line against casual and illicit sex.”

There are still God-fearing men out there who believe adultery is a sin and stick to their wives, despite the varieties of women out there. They are committed. (Seriously, it only takes the grace of God)

   Third is just because it happened with your mother, aunty, uncle, sister, brother, friend or whomever, doesn’t mean it has to happen to you. You have a choice in this matter. Do you want to let the fear or thought of being cheated in marriage prevent you from getting married or having a good marriage? Start telling God what you want in your marriage and believe it. Pray for your future spouse as well or if you’re already married keep praying for your spouse.

   And lastly, God knows what you want and He wants what’s best for you. He knows where you’re coming from and knows your heart desires for a better marriage than your parents or those around you.
So should culture or the world’s ideal of marriage start overruling the word of God? No. We have to keep renewing our minds with what the word of God says and not what the world says.

Romans 12 verse 1-2 (MSG) “So here’s what I want to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life – your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life – and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.”

I believe in having a happy marriage and I believe the one man, one woman thing is possible. Despite my background and the issues that have surrounded people around me, I still know what I want. Sometimes I look around and it does scare me, but I’m working on overcoming my fears and believing in God. I can have a good marriage. I can have a better than good marriage . . . and I will. What about you?

Have a great weekend!

Love you guys!

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topeogunyinka@gmail.com

Temitope Ogunyinka, is a loving, caring and friendly person. She is passionate about impacting the world through timeless wisdom and knowledge found in her thought provoking stories and writing that applies to all ages. Her stories and articles cut across love, relationship and romance in a way that does not deny the relevance of God in our everyday life. She is a devoted christian, passionate about bringing people to the knowledge of God’s true and unfailing love.

12 Comments

  1. Tell me about it. I believe in one man&one woman too but society nowadays have turn it upside down. Is left to us this up coming generation to hold fast&continue to pray to God.
    Is true-many of us are a product of the one man&many wives situation but we shouldn’t take that but learn from our parents.

    I still have hope for our generation

  2. My post on faith even in believing God for an awesome marriage says my thoughts on this…

    This is it:

    http://www.imperfectlyperfectlives.com/so-what-does-faith-have-to-do-with-finding-the-right-man-to-marry/

    I used to get jittery when I say my views of marriage out loud-about a God- fearing man who won’t cheat on me and people will reply “go find that kain man na”, in a disbelieving tone… but through all those, I have learnt to go to God with those conversations, hold onto His word and tell Him I know He won’t fail me even in this regard.

    Prayers too are sooo important. These days I find myself praying for the Mister I haven’t met yet. Praying for his faith, his love walk, his life in God, his yielding to God’s lessons..
    And I also pray for myself, and am careful to yield as God teaches me things that will refine my character and attitude.

    All in all, God gives the best. We aren’t of the world and won’t sink in with their mindset.
    God will give us the desires of our hearts as we delight ourselves in Him.

    Love and much love babes.

  3. True talk Olawumi. Sometimes we see a family having the same issues over and over again from one generation to another. We should learn from our parents and not make the same mistakes they made.
    There’s hope when we have God by our side. 🙂

  4. Yup! Frances people would talk… people that don’t believe it’s possible would try to dissuade you from it, but we keep telling God about what we want and it coincides with what He desires us to have. Keep pressing on sis 🙂

  5. “Since sex became easy and cheap †o get, true love and faithfulness is becoming a myth” since our focus is on men, we have †o remember they are moved by sight and since what they see and lust after is coming with ease…then it’s a question of time before “one man one woman” goes into oblivion….but in all of these, we still have †he disciplined and faithful bunch who walk n work by faith and not by sight…So it’s still very very possible †o find young men who stick one woman.

    • Hmm… true talk Dean. You make it sound like it’s both men and women who contribute to this issue . So how can prevent the one man, one woman thing from going into oblivion?

  6. I believe that is a misconception that has been woven into the societal moral fibre. An example is this idea that all fair-skinned men are potential cheaters. I find that concept weird though. Women need to really have an idea change with respect to that and men also need to embrace an idea change with God’s help.

    • @ Adeniran… fair-skinned men are potential cheaters? Probably I have thought that way too once upon a time. *no vex*
      Maybe it’s cause you guys are really attractive to most women… you guys stand out! 🙂 But anyway it could be that some women are insecure and aren’t ready to compete with any woman for your attention. Then again maybe they have had experiences or heard of such things happening to other people.

  7. i totally agree with you but i’m going to come from another angle (not being defensive) i think the real issue is what really makes men cheat? some may be outta greed and lack of self discipline while some may be just outta seeking some form of solace and companionship which is lacking in present relationship or marriage. Please don’t get me wrong i’m not justifying or giving excuses. i know someone who was pushed/forced out because his wife was not a patient person to listen/understand him and also because of their sex life. Can we then say he’s wrong for doing this? Can we say he should endure? Can we also blame him? I personally do not support cheating but what do i know i’m not married or even in a relationship… Just saying.

    • @ Kehinde.. that’s an interesting question. What makes men cheat? But really, whether the reason for cheating is ‘seems good’ should it still be done? Isn’t there a way it can all be sorted out?

  8. Lady Anabelle’s perception might have been changed due to the circumstances around her and I don’t blame her. In this era where married men don’t respect their union and keep asking single girls out and these girls agree. However it’s very possible for one man to be with one woman, I believe this school of thought. There are so many men who haven’t and won’t cheat on their wives. Her point on Genesis 2 can’t be overemphasized. If He said therefore a man shall leave his father’s house….and the 2 shall become one, not tge 3 or 4, He meant it. Very nice post. This is what, permit me to say, every girl wonders. Ladies, it is possible

    • @ Ifeoluwa… it’s very possible her whole thought on it came out of her circumstances. Sometimes we allow our circumstances, which may be wrong, change our thought pattern and make us accept it as right.
      Thanks Ifeoluwa. Thanks for still believing and for joining in on the discussion. 🙂

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