I just want to thank Heather Lindsey for taking the time out to do this interview. God bless her greatly and continue to use her in His Kingdom.
Here’s the interview!
Temitope: What’s marriage about?
Heather: Marriage is a ministry. It’s a commitment between a man and a woman devout to God. You shouldn’t go into the union with the mind set of divorce. The “d” word should never be an option. For what God has put together no man should break apart. It’s important to stick it out, be patient & work it out. Pray to God about your spouse. He is the only one who can change him.
Temitope: Is it important to ask God concerning whom to marry?
Heather: It is very important to have God in the mix of who you are courting. Not just in this decision but in every area of your life. So, when God does present your spouse, you will already be in tune with His voice, verses lust or your own “feelings” if he is the one.
Temitope: How can a woman deal with a boyfriend who loves her and made the mistake of cheating? If he’s God’s will for her, how can she let go of the pain?
Heather: Sorry, but that doesn’t mix. If you two are courting for the intent of marriage and your boyfriend cheats on you. That is a huge red flag, sister. You better run! First of all, you two shouldn’t be having sex either. It’s a huge spiritual bond that you are awakening before it’s time, and if he doesn’t have self control while you’re in this stage, you will not have confidence & security each night coming home to him knowing that he doesn’t have self-control in this area. Also the lack of discipline. It will be very hard to follow & respect his leadership & him as a man if he is not keeping word. It’s a lack of integrity. This would be a great opportunity for the man in this season to seek godly counsel, mentors and friends if he is serious to stay on the path of purity. Then through time, you can see the fruit of his journey & walk with Christ.
Temitope: There’s this controversy of kissing or not kissing before marriage. Is it advisable for singles to not kiss before marriage?
Heather: Not kissing before marriage is not a “rule” or law. My husband and I did it because we wanted to honor God in our decision not to sleep together before we got married. In that, we decided not to kiss, because kissing is a form of foreplay. We didn’t want to tempt each other to do more. It also strengthens you as you are dying to your flesh. I respected my now husband so much because he completed what he said he would do. It’s hard to make this commitment but as you honor God He will honor you. I definitely would recommend it because why put yourself in a situation where you want “more.”
Temitope: How do you know if a man or woman is the right one for you?
Heather: You may have your dream list of 100 qualities of a man I want before I say “I do.” But if you are waiting for perfection, that is not going to happen. My now husband turned into my dream husband over time & vice versa. Marriage takes work & we are continuously learning each other out each day. But you must have the deal breakers. Which of course, is Jesus. Having a personal relationship with Him. This would reflect in his life & the decisions he makes. Also, ask yourself are you able to be yourself around this person? Is this person someone I am able to trust?
Temitope: People make mistakes in their past relationships, or otherwise, before finally settling down. How do you let go of your future husband’s or wife’s past mistakes?
Heather: My husband & I didn’t talk about our past relationships while courting or even now. The past is in the past and all that matters is the future. You have to focus on the future & where you two are heading together. If you don’t see any potential or vision then that’s an issue.
Temitope: How can people from broken homes get the freedom (from their parents’ failed marriage) they need to live a wonderful marriage?
Heather: You can break the generational curse. It can stop at you. Generally, people make the excuse of “because my parents were this way so I will turn out this way too.” That is not true. You are born into a new family in Christ. Your identity is in Him. You could have been abandoned, abused or rejected. But know that “When your mother or father abandons you, the Lord will hold you close (See Psalm 27:10). Look at & focus on the examples in the Bible. Also plant yourself in a good Bible based church & volunteer. By volunteering & getting involved, you can then meet other couples & those in the community that you can form friendships with.
♡Psalms 27:10, “When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up.” KJV
Temitope: How do we as singles prepare for marriage?
Heather: You can prepare by marriage by not “waiting`’ to get married. You wait at the doctors office, you wait at the dentist, you wait on a long line to get food when your hungry. As you are waiting you are frustrated wondering why it’s taking so long. But as a single, it’s important to ENJOY this season as long as you have it. Each season has it’s own worries & concerns. When you are married, you will have so many tasks & responsibilities on top of what you are doing now. Cherish the quiet times with God that you have. Build healthy friendships. Travel. Do missions in other countries. Learn how to take care of your body. Work out & eat right. Taking a cooking class. Start that business God has laid on your heart. There is so much that you could be doing in this season. The opportunities are endless.
Temitope: How was your first year of marriage? Was it as difficult as people claim it to be?
Heather: Our first year of marriage was hard. God stripped us of everything we had so all we could do was depend on Him & each other. We learned a lot about ourselves & each other in this season. But I wouldn’t trade it for the world, because it laid the foundation & developed our union even stronger. Nothing could tear us apart now.
Temitope: Before you got married what were your expectations on marriage and what did you learn afterwards?
Heather: I thought I was going to cook for my husband each day, have the perfect house & be there every second for everything. I was clearly in la la land. You see, back then, no one was transparent with their struggles in marriage, so I had no idea of certain milestones of development that you would go through. I realised how selfish I was & him vice versa. It’s a lot of dying to ourselves & each other in marriage. A lot of growth. My husband has pushed & stretched me both mentally & spiritually. You see, I didn’t want no wimpy man that I could boss around. He really leads our home with integrity & strength.
Temitope: So far, what lessons have your learnt in marriage?
Heather: You have to make time & set a part time as a family & as a couple. Fridays are our date days. We don’t schedule anything on this day. We keep a very busy house & as our schedule grows this boundary still remains. It definitely has livened our marriage & it’s just so refreshing to be able to sit with him alone each week & spend quality time, talk & just have fun together – alone. Saturdays are family day. This consists of an activity with my husband & our 2 kids. Whether going to the park, a new store, getting ice-cream. Anything that encourages bonding. Family is first & as you keep that in tact, everything else will flow from that.
So that’s it guys! Please leave your comments below. For all those who shared the post God bless you greatly. Click the share button below and let others be blessed by this words of wisdom. Much love!
Bio : Heather Lindsey is the founder of The Pinky Promise, an organization that promotes honoring God with your life & body whether single or married. Pinky Promise was founded in January 2012 and has grown to over 22,000 women making a promise to honor God with their life. Founder, Heather challenges teens, young adults and women to rise above cultural pressures and to stay determined to live for Christ regardless of their circumstances. Facing consequences women in previous generations couldn’t imagine, ladies receive straight talk from Heather on how to say no in a yes society.
A native of Michigan, Heather was the 10th of 23 children adopted by her parents. Raised in a home with brothers and sisters of different nationalities, she learned early lessons in diversity and applies those in her dynamic presentations. After graduation from Michigan State University, she moved to New York City where she worked in the music industry and hosted television shows such as MTV’s TRL with the sole purpose to share Christ in a dark place. Today, Heather and her husband Cornelius live in Atlanta, GA where they have established an evangelistic ministry called The Gathering Oasis where they travel and preach all over the world. In January 2013 they launched The Gathering Oasis– Church in Atlanta, GA located in Midtown. (www.thegonow.com)