Can I Marry Someone I’m Not Attracted to?
Is physical attraction so important when it comes to making a choice of a spouse?
As Christians can we just get married and let the attraction come in little by little? Or it wouldn’t come at all?
The basis of attraction for one person is different from another. It could be intelligence, beauty, teeth, pink lips (LOL), height, skin colour, diction, fingernails, hair and what have you.
Just look at Songs of Solomon and you can see how attraction was brimming between the woman and her lover.
O my love [he said as he saw her], you remind me of my [favorite] mare in the chariot spans of Pharaoh. Your cheeks are comely with ornaments, your neck with strings of jewels. We will make for you chains and ornaments of gold, studded with silver.
Song of Solomon 1:9-11 AMPC
But then what if there’s no attraction and it’s not as romantic at first like Songs of Solomon?
We must have heard how parents chose spouses for their children back in the days and how successful it was despite them not knowing eachother and still the marriage worked. Oh well. . . Maybe there was no attraction at first but attraction would have grown as they got to know eachother better.
Look at Rebekah and Isaac. Abraham’s servant brought her as the wife God had chosen for Isaac. If she was physically ugly would Isaac have rejected her?
Could it be that we focus more on physical attraction than beauty from within? Maybe the person loves God a lot and would make a good husband. Or the babe is short but has a good character?
Also, spending time with people builds attraction which could be misconceived as love. Don’t marry someone just because you are attracted to them.
He Doesn’t Love Me. . . Should I Still Submit?
– What is Love?
Love is a choice. It is a decision. It is not based on the good or bad one does. Love is unconditional. 1 Corinthians 13.
– What is Submission?
I love how someone explained it on our WhatsApp study group when studying the book of EPHESIANS, There’s a huge difference between SUBMISSION and Enslavement. They may look slightly similar in application but are totally different in principle.
To SUBMIT means to Willingly surrender by self. It’s is not via compulsion but based on pure willingness.
Jesus wants us to Submit to Him by ourselves. Yes, He died for us but yet, He doesn’t because of that want us to compulsory follow Him based on that. He wants our submission to Him to be purely based on love.
When You love, you will willingly submit and when you submit, you will willingly obey.”
See what you’re missing! Lolz. But please the bible study is closed till further notice. As I explained before, I can’t add people in the middle of the study. So if you’re interested just wait till August or so. Thank you!
– Why Submission/ Origin of Submission?
The bible commanded it.
I read in a bible commentary, Life Application Study Bible, that perhaps Christian women, newly freed in Christ, found submission difficult; and Christian men, used to the Roman custom of giving unlimited power to the head of the family; were not used to treating their wives with respect and love. Ofcourse both husbands and wives should submit to eachother, just as both should love eachother.
As believers we are meant to submit to one another. Just as we are also told to love one another. But then in marriage you can’t have two people fighting over headship. So the husband is to love his wife and the wife is to submit to the husband.
– Submission in the absence of Love (God’s Standard)
This question of submitting in marriage is rampant regardless of the situation; either good or bad.
Why is it hard to submit? It could be one is too proud or the man doesn’t make it easy for his wife to submit or there is no love. You know it could also mean both spouses are not submitted to God thereby making it hard altogether.
What does the bible say about submission?
Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One). Wives, be subject (be submissive and adapt yourselves) to your own husbands as [a service] to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife as Christ is the Head of the church, Himself the Savior of [His] body. As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands.
Ephesians 5:21-24 AMPC
However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly].
Ephesians 5:33 AMPC
From some of the comments it feels like we’re saying nothing goes for nothing.
Like you won’t respect, honour and submit to your husband if he doesn’t love you. Honestly, I don’t see anywhere in the bible where it says that. Could it be we are just following a wrong misconception?
Finally, all [of you] should be of one and the same mind (united in spirit), sympathizing [with one another], loving [each other] as brethren [of one household], compassionate and courteous (tenderhearted and humble). Never return evil for evil or insult for insult (scolding, tongue-lashing, berating), but on the contrary blessing [praying for their welfare, happiness, and protection, and truly pitying and loving them]. For know that to this you have been called, that you may yourselves inherit a blessing [from God–that you may obtain a blessing as heirs, bringing welfare and happiness and protection].
1 Peter 3:8-9 AMPC
So should you submit despite not being loved? Yes
Even if he doesn’t listen to me or make submitting easy? Yes.
Would it be hard when he’s not loving you as Christ loves the church or doesn’t value you? Yes. Like some of you said, remember him in your prayers. And like someone also commented, Dear Lord. . . this man is making it difficult for me to submit o, and your word says I should submit. Father, help him and help me.
Love and submit to your husband but please in the case of physical abuse seek counsel ASAP!!! Get in touch with a bible believing church or just email me, firstname.lastname@example.org, and we can take it up from there. Please don’t be afraid to speak out.
Thanks fam for the various wonderful comments. God bless you all plenty. Stay tuned for the next discussion👍. Please sharewith friends. . . You don’t know who needs this.
Have a fab day!
♡ Bible Quote for the Day:
Let each of you esteem and look upon and be concerned for not [merely] his own interests, but also each for the interests of others. Let this same attitude and purpose and [humble] mind be in you which was in Christ Jesus: [Let Him be your example in humility:]
Philippians 2:4-5 AMPC