Hi! So I’ve been going on about us celebrating our anniversary and I really want to believe there are some of us who have been blessed by some writeups here. . . So I would like if you could send in how you’ve been blessed by Life God and Love . . This is to bless God and encourage others.
You could send it to my email [email protected]
Below is an article by a friend of mine… please read and drop your comments.
So I was told to write on marital investment and In my mind I’m like do I even qualify? I’m not even married in the first place, but then again no little knowledge is wasted. Reading this may become a form of marital investment for all of us at the end of the day.
Like I said earlier I know little about marriage itself but with the help of the Holy Spirit I hope to impact some knowledge. First of I would like us to know marital investment starts from our very childhood. What!!!!!!???? Right, let me land, I will get down to what I mean by that statement but first of all what can we call marital investment?
Investment in this context is what has been deposited into us through our time, resource and actions, so we can say marital investment is one in which what is deposited in us involves marriage and everything concerning it.
What we may not know is that you do not only invest in yourself but others also invest in us knowingly or unknowingly, consciously or subconsciously this is what I call an indirect investment.
As children we grew up with our parents or parent figures and believe it or not the way they behaved to one another what they said about each other, what they said to you personally about a woman or a man lays a foundation about our marital life.
Our childhood is the period of our lives when we tend to do more of observing and storing information from our surrounding environment. At this stage we are still learning rapidly about the world we observe around us, our parents and even our immediate environment which usually includes extended families, small communities etc. Basically where interaction is frequent and in person.
Why is this important you may ask?
We tend to have our foundation laid from this “trusted Forces”. At childhood these are people who we look up to, who we trust as smart and wise people who know it all. Well . . . until the age of curiosity sets in that is, “Our teenage years” where the internet and media does more of the talking but back to the point.
Usually information from a trusted force stays especially during childhood. The teenage years will just be proving this with what is observed on media and the internet, building on a foundation laid. Chances are observing the world (the way this world system works) doesn’t give the “I want this” feeling majority of the time but brings about scare, Fear, insecurity and tension going into marriage.
HIGHLIGHTING EFFECT OF A WORLDLY FOUNDATION
An example will be a boy/girl who grew up knowing the dad as a violent man and the mum as a punching bag who either refuses to speak up or just keeps quiet. The boy/girl will subconsciously begin to see this as one of those things to expect in marriage hence the famous quote of “marriage is manage”. They could also have the opposite effect of never wanting to see or experience such in his/her marriage which becomes something heavily detested which in turn will automatically register as a root of fear.
Any slight sign of such behaviour triggers all those past memories, the fear of being in an unpleasant situation as the parents running through his/her mind.
The example above is very basic and simple but it is to illustrate a point, when an idea is registered into your subconscious thought you begin to unconsciously look for those errors, mistakes or signs everywhere; in the movies you watch, in stories you hear, you even tend to start lying or making up stuffs to back up your own believe system.
There are obviously some of us who are from Christian homes but the question still goes out, would you like the kind of marriage your parents had? What did you observe about their marriage? However, a big thank you to kids who can boast about their parents positive investment as they become more aware of marriage, but for those who still saw the world in their home well there is still time to divest those information and foundation laid by them and key into a better one.
I do believe a lot of people genuinely desire a positive home, to that end they do their homework; listening to sermons, reading books on marriage you know, really investing their time and resource towards marriage but some of these questions should be asked, has the old foundation laid been destroyed? Is the thought pattern still filled with uncertainty and fear going into the home? What is marriage to you? Not what your pastor told you not what your parents told you but what you discovered in the word. In all truth investing as a believer will first that with divesting, choosing to believe in the reality of Christ and not men.
To divest in this context is to get rid of the foundation that has already been laid prior giving your life to Christ. This process usually extend well into the marriage itself and thus requires perseverance and patience, this is because somethings are so deep rooted in us it takes the other party to actually point them out for us to see.
Tackling it is another thing which will not be discussed in this article, but for the obvious knowledge and information that need to go these are some practical steps we can take:
1. First off develop a genuine relationship with God: The number one problem with most Christians is there lack of a genuine relationship with God, Do you commune with him? Do you trust him? Do you enjoy fellowshipping with him? Do you listen to his voice? Do you study him(His word) the truth is you are more inclined to believe what or who you trust
It will be naturally difficult for anyone who doesn’t have a relationship with God to actually start a diverting process because the Love of God is not present. Love is of God and only those who belong to him can genuinely love.
2. Believe in God’s Plan for marriage: Equip yourself with what the word has said concerning marriage and not the negative publicity of marriage by the world, what this does is it begins to help you understand the nature of God and his intent even going into marriage. This process is known as “renewing of the mind” meaning it happens still the day we leave earth.
3. Patience is key: We spent a good long periods of our childhood and teenage lives laying foundation on the worlds view on marriage so what makes you think it’s going to be easy to untangle, some people even have those concepts entangled with their very personality so it’s going to take a while but not forever it is not impossible but requires patience, faith and your will, when God is trusted for something He doesn’t fail
4. Pray according to the His word: Praying according to what God has said is like telling Him, these are Your words I’m bringing them back to you, He wants us to grow as a pair in marriage otherwise there will be no point in marriage being established. Praying for your marriage before even finding a spouse is always encouraged. Pray for the fellow, their family, their situation, not just meeting them but God also grooming them, teaching them.
5. Lastly remember to screen all advice with “The Word”: Chances are we have heard all manner of stories about husbands and wives from people close to us and even far from us but one thing to remember is that multitude saying the same thing doesn’t necessary mean right (check 1 kings 22:13-28 )and the finally the final say on your marital investment process (Advice from older people) is always crosschecked with the wisdom of God, do not make the mistake of allowing other people’s experience to become your reality.
Marital investment is a lifetime process but the earlier one start the better, Marriage is a commitment Paul in (1 Corinthians 7: 34-35) compared with a time competing with God, Paul didn’t say Job or kids he said your spouse so basically it’s not you and God anymore it is you sharing time between your spouse and God, that’s going to get some getting used to that’s for sure.
Author’s Bio :
Seun Ajia enjoys writing, discussing and reading about who we are in christ, the totality of all He has promised and what we have inherited in him. He also has an Msc in Accounting and Finance.
You could reach him via email [email protected]
E-book Coming Soon!
So many women want to get married but are they ready to become wives? Let’s start being wives ready for marriage. No more divorces.
Interested in the E-book? Please let me know by commenting here or sending me an email at [email protected]
A few of you have notified me and I’ve taken note.
P. S Separated starting next week! ?